BRIEF BITES…

Lower East Side: Austrian cocktail bar and bistro Hag is offering a seasonal tasting plate of its famed artisanal muffins. $36 gets you four of the fluffy confections: Pickled beet, flounder, white chocolate chip with feta, and “other.”

Williamsburg: With protests in Egypt raging for over a week, Williamsburgerites have begun stockpiling popular Egyptian beverage Qyramid, an alcoholic beverage containing caffeine, melatonin, and other spices.

Flatiron: Cajun tapas bar Pemba will be the first restaurant in New York City to serve “bloop,” a sausage consisting of the blood extracted from a lambs large intestine. Bloop has been all the rage for adventurous chefs on the west coast, explains Pemba head chef Juan Pemba: “We serve bloop in the traditional way: Smoked and served on an entire loaf of toasted french bread with a schmear of ketchup.” Yum?

Soho: Is $14 too much for a slice? Not according to Sandino’s pizza chef Mario Sandino. The veteran Brooklyn pizza maker’s newest creation is the “Golden Nugget Slice,” consisting of buffalo mozzarella, boar sausage, 14K gold shavings, truffle oil, a fried egg, garlic mayonnaise, sardine roe, sparkling wine, artichoke lung, sea salt, baked ziti, chick peas, lo mein, and pepperoni.

West Village: Beloved chocolaterie Joey will reopen as a posh, sustainable-tea house called Chandler.

BRIEF BITES…

Red Hook: The grand opening of Mikey’s Chicken and Waffles was met with mixed reviews when crowds lined up around the block only to realize the menu’s only two items are not served together.

Upper East Side: Beverage director of the famed Periwinkle Bob, Laura Nabud is leaving for the greener pastures of San Francisco. Rumor has it, she’ll be concocting a dungeness crab cocktail for a yet unnamed chain restaurant in the Fisherman’s Wharf area.

Soho: File this under “Only In New York.” Kowloon Walled City’s Ian Miller, former Led Zeppelin bassist John Paul Jones, and Mercy Choir’s Paul Belbusti will be opening a vegan candy shop for adults called Them Crooked Dentures. According to Jones, the shop will feature, “Dairy free pudding pops, gluten free Three Musketeers, and tons of other delightful treats for adults who like sweets, but don’t like the cruelty often associated with the production of candy.”

Financial District: Dunkin Donuts on Wall Street is no longer charging sales tax.

Harlem: Uptown institution Theo’s will be closing to make way for the newest location of frozen yogurt chain Fruity Rudy’s. Theo’s owner Clair Hanks expressed her gratitude to long time customers by offering 2 for 1 Bacon Burger Dogs until the end of the month.

takkeh:

So this is from http://fakenycrestaurantreviews.tumblr.com/, which I was visiting because it was on my recommended blogs.

Okay, Uh, no. It’s definitely pronounced tor-tee-ahs. You would get laughed at if you called it that down here.

Hello takkeh,

Thank you for bringing this error to the attention of our editorial department. Here at Fake NYC Restaurant Reviews, we strive for accuracy at all costs.

However, after careful consideration, we have to respectfully disagree. One of our staff members, Miguel Lopez is an authentic Mexican person, and he has confirmed the correct pronunciation of “tortillas” is in fact tort-till-yaz, with a strong emphasis on yaz.

In somewhat related news, shortly after our recommendation, young Hsitas contacted us to let us know he stopped by Mike’s Taco Hut and received what he described as “the best roti of my life. I never knew roti could be so spicy and full of beans.”

All the best to you, takkeh!

FNYCRR

BRIEF BITES…

Yorkville: NYC Food Commissioner, Tony Hoop is cracking down on Precious Tack’s use of MSG in their carnitas & broccoli lunch special. “Restaurants in the city are allowed to use up to 998 milligrams of MSG per meal,” says Hoop. “This meal has 42,002 milligrams. That’s too much.”

Upper West Side: Among his many talents, Celebrity Chef Guy Fieri is able to sniff out truffles like a pig. Fieri found five of the edible fungi in Riverside Park this past weekend. Apparently, the cherubic Food Network star sold the little prizes to Italian bistro Dinotello’s. Owner Dino Dinotello is eternally grateful: “Fieri is like swine!,” he said.

Astoria: The legendary Bill’s Diner has closed to make way for luxury condos, but rather than be demolished, the building will travel to D.C. and become an exhibit at the Smithsonian.

Brooklyn Heights: In preparation for the impending snow storm, Bartlebea will be serving a six course hot chocolate tasting menu. $26 gets you five large mugs of fair trade cocoa varietals and a finale of marshmallow encrusted goat marrow dusted with instant chai tea.

Chelsea: Dance club/wine bar Morris has closed due to various violations and will reopen under new management as Slater. Next door, complaints about noise from the Powers Hotel, Kapowski’s Deli, and The Salty Turtle may mean the eventual end of all clubs on 26th St.

Superbowl Super Bars

Even though the Yankees didn’t make it to the Superbowl this year, that’s no reason to stay at home and pout in front of the TV with a plate of soggy wings and warm beer. Head out to one of the many sports bars in the city and do it there! Here’s our picks for some of the best places to get your game on in NYC.

Half Time – 1599 3^rd Ave.

This Upper East Side watering hole boasts 16 plasma TVs and 3 enormous bouncers. Get your mouth around some $0.14 wings and $4 Bud Lights during The Who’s half time performance. The clientele is mostly male at this college/post-college-dude hang out, so ladies beware. After a few yards of ale and a New Orleans field goal, you might just get propositioned to “Show Your Tits.”

Copperhead Grill & Bar – 52 Ave B

A sports bar in Alphabet City? Why not? My gut tells me “no,” but my hunger for the Time Out Tapas menu says, “Yes!” Don’t miss the BBQ Serrano Jamon Croquetas with ranch dressing as you watch the big game by the biodiesel powered fireplace. It may be a mellow atmosphere, but Saints fans are sure to still be yelling, “Who Is That?!”

YES, We Can – 668 42^nd St.

It was only a matter of time until the YES Network opened a sports bar in Time Square. It’ll be impossible to miss one second of the game here; there are TV screens built into every table, chair, and bathroom stall. Skip the order of Joe Girardi’s Pasta Shooters (too salty), and go straight to desert for a Robinson Canoli.

Chug Chug Chug – 200 Front St.

All the way down in South Street Seaport, this abandoned warehouse will be serving $3 Busch Light metal buckets on game night. The record for the most buckets finished in a single night is still held by former NY Giant Lawrence Taylor, who in 2003, chug, chug, chugged 6 of them in a half hour and was later arrested for possession of a concealed weapon.

When – 466 Graham Ave.

This hopping Greenpoint spot won’t actually be showing the game, but will be holding a Football Fan Theme Night. Customers are encouraged to dress up in their best approximation of what they think a football fan migtht wear to a Superbowl Party. Expect plenty of cargo shorts and beer can helmets. Best costume wins a Nerf football and 2 tickets to the Royal Trux reunion show at The Music Hall of Williamsburg.

Graphic Designer Aron Harris (far left) enjoys a Pumpkin Bellini with friends at Handball in the Meatpacking District.

CHEWING THE FAT: Aron Harris, Graphic Designer

This week, we CHEW THE FAT with Aron Harris, the designer of our new logo (see above), as well as the logos of several NYC restaurants.

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First off, thanks for the amazing logo!

It was my pleasure. I really enjoy what you folks do on this site and I’m happy to be a part of it. However, I didn’t agree with your review of Bowery Billiards in Morningside Heights. Not only did I get a stale whitefish sandwich there, the house band Howlin’ Magic was loud and disorienting.

When did you first get into graphic design?

When I was about 4 years old, I drew a picture of a truck. My mother asked me what it was, and I said, “It’s a truck.” She then wrote the word “Truck” at the top of the page. I immediately knew it looked all wrong and said, “Mommy, that logo sucks.” I knew I could do better, and eventually did.

What other logos have you designed in the city?

Cheesewheel in the West Village:

Dinosaur Tempeh in Greenpoint:

and I created the font for the menu at Girl Trout, Boy Trout in Midtown. The font is called AronHarris and it’s based on Comic Sans but with semi-slab serifs and a host of fish shaped glyphs:

What are your favorite cheap eats in the city?

Fried octopus buns at Bunus in Chinatown. 10 for a buck!

Any NYC food trend you’re totally over?

Round food! We get it, round is better than flat. But come on. Round steak, round chicken, round arugula. Enough is enough.

BEST OF RESTAURANT WEEK

Here at FNYCRR, we hope you’re taking advantage of Restaurant Week. We sure are.  It’s the best opportunity try the food at the restaurants you would otherwise not be able to afford nor be allowed inside. The menu offerings are often completely different than the usual options, the staff treats you like a destitute tourist from Wyoming, and the portions are generally a quarter of the normal size, but that’s what makes it fun!

That being said, we focused on the higher-end offerings, since they seemed to be the best bang for our buck, and made our way to Rendezvous, Tompkins Tea House, Spring Fling on Madison, Manicotti, and the Lobby of the New Violet Hotel.

Best Service:

Tompkins Tea House - Since the Tea House is known for its hospitality, we had a feeling we’d get great service here and we were right. We were seated in less than 45 minutes (a 2 hour wait is typical on restaurant week, even with a reservation), and without asking, our server immediately brought out tap water for each of us. Our three courses were brought out promptly, and halfway through our desert course (Chocolate Ice Cream Cone with sprinkles), our server asked, “Are you done yet?” And before answering, our check was placed on the table and we were out the door before we knew it. This is the type of hospitality that will bring us back next year.

Best Entrée:

We were hoping to try Manicotti’s most famous entrée, wild salmon with roasted baby asparagus, truffle oil, and aged balsamic glaze, but it was not offered on the menu. Luckily, the Restaurant Week version was pretty darn good. Instead, we were served a farmed catfish with boiled lettuce, canola oil, and white vinegar. The original dish goes for $39, so who can complain about this tasty substitution when the entire three course dinner was $29 and included a side salad, an orange juice, and a popsicle?

Best Wine Deal:

For lunch, Spring Fling on Madison offered a glass of chardonnay from a small list for an additional $14—a good deal and the perfect amount of wine for those who have to return to work after the meal. For dinner, Rendezvous has a supplemental wine pairing for $37, making dinner and three glasses of wine $98. A good deal? No, a great deal. Especially considering the average entrée at Rendezvous is $52.

Most Surprising Meal:

The New Violet Hotel in Harlem is not actually a restaurant, so we’re not quite sure how they found their way into the Restaurant Week listings, but we’re grateful that didn’t deter us. Once we arrived, a man in front of the building who appeared to be the Maître d’, immediately asked us for a tip. Although we thought it was presumptuous, we were glad to give up a few bucks for the prompt service. He took our coats and purses and made his way down Adam Clayton Powell Blvd to what we assume is a secure cloakroom.

After we were seated on some folding chairs in the lobby, we were urged to order our meal via cell phone. We were given a menu and a phone number and after 30 minutes or so, we were treated to what was perhaps the best value of restaurant week: Chicken and broccoli with pork fried rice, and an egg roll. All for the astounding price of $6.95 per person. And when our food arrived with a  (free!) can of  Diet Sprite, we couldn’t help but smile.

Unfortunately, our coats were “not available” when we left, so we’ll be heading back tonight to pick them up. Will we be able to resist another meal? Not likely.